Get Real !!!

Getting Real

Before any real changes can be made I need to 'Get Real' !!

What do I need to get real about ?? EVERYTHING !!

I need to come to terms with why I look the way I do and why I eat what I eat ! It is no use just deciding on this major surgery to help cure all my woes because it won't unless I get real and not only understand but come to terms with why I am here.

So why am I here ?? And where is 'here' anyway ?

HERE ?? Here is here and me now. I am currently OBESE, dreadfully overweight, yes ok I am FAT. It is very obvious but it is hard to admit. I am 165cm, so not overly tall, and this is accentuated by the fact that I am currently 138kg. Short and Fat, it makes me want to cry and I do ! But I just have to deal with it and Get Real. My current BMI is 50.7, so that makes me more than obese. Honestly it is terribly upsetting to write it down like that. These numbers seem to define who I am right now. There is a story behind these numbers and a story behind why these numbers are as they are.

WHY ?? Ok so there are many reasons why I am here and I will briefly talk about each of them. Some are possibly excuses and some may be real reasons.

I feel like "I have my reasons why" just like the Nickel Creek Song 'Reasons Why' but possibly they are just excuses ..... Let's see .....

I love this song. It is one which I sing in Violet Nights. I will talk about Violet Nights in another post.

Reasons Why or Just Excuses

1. I have a family history of obesity, especially on my mother's side of the family. My mum is large, but not huge like myself. Her mother was also quite big and many, many other members of the family were and are too. My cousin, who could be mistaken for my sister but looks alot more like my Mum than I do, would be considered obese as well, she is about the same size as I am but she is taller. So many overweight people say this is a reason and YES I do honestly believe that I am more genetically prone to being FAT but really it is only an excuse that I (and many others) use for being overweight.

2. I use food as a crutch. I do eat because of emotional reasons. I reach for food when I am happy, I reach for food when I am sad, when I am lonely, when I am upset, when I am stressed, etc, etc, etc. There are so many reasons why I eat. It has always been a way to celebrate the good things in life. But it also helps (sometimes) when I am feeling down, or sad, or upset. A tub of icecream whilst watching a good movie is a great thought and makes you feel better when you're in the middle of it but honestly when you finish you just feel worse than you did at the start because now there is the guilt because you've just polished off 1/2 a tub of icecream and are really feeling a bit ill.



3. Honestly I eat food because I like it !! I like the way if feels and I like the way it tastes !! This is really the main reason I eat more than I should or more of the wrong foods. This is where I have to 'Get Real' because I am the cause of my weight. I am the one who has put the food into my mouth and I a the one who swallowed it. I am the one who needs to make the decision to make it different and finally get healthy !!!

Why This TIME Will Be DIFFERENT

Now is the time to make the change and I am determined that this time will be different.I have tried all the diets, all the fads, all the exercises and I've popped my fair share of pills.

I've Tried It ALL !!

I know like so many others struggling with their weight I have tried so many different ways to loose my excess weight.

Diets I've tried:

* Weight Watches

* Calorie Counting

* Sure Slim

* Meal Replacements: Herbalife

* Lite 'n Easy

Pills I've taken:

*Xenical

*Reductil

*Duromine

So 'yes' I have tried many different ways to loose weight and 'yes' I have had some success to varying degrees BUT I have always put back on MORE weight than I lost !! So now I find myself larger than I have EVER been.

Different Approach

I am determined to find an approach that is going to last a lifetime. I am determined to find a way which will help me not only loose weight but to also keep it off !! I think I have found this with the Gastric Sleeve procedure !! And let me tell you that I can't wait !! I am excited !!

Till Next Time,

Cheers,

L :)

Passions In Life

What Gets Me Through The Day

A normal day for me sees me getting out of bed at about 5.30am having about 15 mins 'me' time before the troops hit the floor running.

Who are the troops? I hear you all say! 

Usually the first to awaken is the puppy ! My puppy is called Raene (pronounced 'rain') he is the first to get breakfast in the morning. Raene is a Border Collie.

Next comes the girls. I have 3 children, all girls aged 9, 6 and 3. They cartainly keep me on my toes and compeltely exhausted !!

And finally, but not on all mornings, is my finace and his dog Lightning 9also a Border Collie)!! LOL! We are getting married in May and until then we are keeping our 2 separate homes but he stays a few nights each week. 

It is the love I have for my family that usually gets me through the day. My fiance and my girls are my world. Together we laugh, cry, play and sometimes fight. But by the end of the day when it is bed time we always have a cuddle and say goodnight.

The Passion That We Share

Most families have that one special activity that they share and is the one special thing which sets them apart from other families. For our family it is music!! Our family shares the love of music.

My music education started when I was about 6 when I began to learn the piano. My mother grew up having a musician for a father but was never given the opportunity to learn to play herself. She swore that she would give me that opportunity, and I am so very grateful that she did.

As I grew up I began to love music more and more. In primary school I also began learning the recorder as many other students at school do. But this wasn't a chore for me, I LOVED it!! I think my teacher wished she had never started recorder with the class as I devoured the music quicker than a block of chocolate!! LOL! She had to find me more and more music to play and each time she would give me a piece of music I would practice and practice and come back wanting more.

When I moved into high school I was lucky enough to attend a high school which had a fantastic music department and I continued learning the piano but also started playing the Flute and the Alto Saxophone. I was in as many school bands and choirs as I could be, and I LOVED it!

Teaching music gave me some pocket money as I moved through university getting my degree in teaching. I taught some fantastic students and even did a bit of music therapy with children with Autism.

Once I became a teacher I was able to use my skills in music to help run various school band programs. When I moved to my current school I was lucky enough to be faced with a school band which had been running for a few years andhad a brilliant if very quirky Band Master. The Band Master also played the Flute and Tenor Saxophone and played these instruments in a Rock Band. I was invited along a few times to play with this band as part of a Brass Section which was quite awesome !

Through this band I met the man who is the love of my life. At the time I met him I had no idea that in 2012 I would be engaged to him and very impatiently waiting for May 2013 to come along to get married to him!!

We share this passion and it is one of the things which hold us together so tightly ! We also share this passion with our children. The two eldest unfortunately don't play an instrument but the 9 yr-old has been learning Drums since she was 3, she loves it !! She is now playing in the school band. Our 6 Year Old decided that she wanted to play Bass Guitar like Dad and our 3 Year Old has not yet started but has visions of herself playing Guitar and she loves singing!!

It is amazing having such a fantastic passion in life that we as a family can share.

To me music is amazing! It can take you anywhere you will let it!! For me it is an escape, a release from all the stress of life :)

L :)

There Always Has To Be A Beginning ....

A beginning or at least a new beginning .... of sorts ....

I find myself in a place that 15 years ago I could have never even imagined. I have 3 beautiful children and am engaged to the man of my dreams.

I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. My finance and I are a perfect match, we even each other out and share our love and our passions. Our love for each other holds us strong and our passion for our family and our music sets us on solid rock.

My new beginning was finding the love of my life, my soul mate, after many many years of abuse and turmoil. So this is where I will start, today, with a bright and happy future ahead of me. And although my past is what has made me the person I am today I am leaving the darkness behind me, learning from my actions and building my future with my man and our family.

So who am I ? I am Liesel. A mother. A partner. A lover. A musician. An educator. And although this is what I see as who I am most others cannot see past my exterior, most judge me by what I look like and this is something I have battled my whole life. So OK then, I need to add another descriptor of who I am .... An overweight female.

This is me.

Although I have battled my weight demons my whole life and have faced the harsh words of others who do not know the battle I have fought and although this is not what has brought me to the place I am right now it is certainly a contributing factor.

My weight issues have and are causing issues with my body and my health. This is what I am now fighting. 

It seems that after a few falls at work over the last couple of years, I have also damaged my back and have 2 bulging discs and some arthritis build-up in my lower back. It is my weight now which is hindering my recovery and in fact making it worse. At times the pain is so very overwhelming and the pain killers I am taking do not even dull the pain I am experiencing.

So what am I going to do about it ?!?! 

It is no use sitting here and and complaining about things if I am not prepared to put in the hard work to make it better.

I, like so many others before me have methodically worked through the various weight loss programs, diets, fads, shakes, pills .... on and on .... and have had limited success but always ending up putting the weight back on and eventually looking and feeling as I do now.

So now is the time for drastic changes.

I have spent hours deliberating over the few options I have left. These options I am facing are now surgical.

I decided to sit down with a friend who has a gastric band. We talked for hours about how it has changed her life and how she went from a woman who weighted well over 230kg to now fitting into size 14 clothes and feeling awesome that she is able to actually buy clothes from a "normal" clothing shop. 

After all of the talking and thinking I decided to speak with my fiance about this idea. We (and I say we because this is a team effort and he is supporting me the whole way) decided to go and talk with my doctor about this and she referred me to Dr Roy Brancatisano from Circle of Care in Baulkum Hills.

When I rang to make an appointment the receptionist told me that she would email me all of the information that I would need to help me understand the procedures which are available to me. I read all about the band thinking that this was the right option for me as it is now quite easily reversed and removed.

I opened the document on the Gastric Sleeve (not actually knowing anything about the procedure) and the first line said, "this procedure is not reversible", so I closed the document and thought nothing more of it. A week or so later I decided to have another look at the documentation that was sent through and I decided to read about the Gastric Sleeve. As I read a light bulb turned on !!

THIS is the option for me !! It makes so much sense ! Drastic ?!? Hell YES ! But absolutely necessary ! I want to be fit and healthy when I get married next year AND I want to be alive when my babies get married and have babies of their own !!

So I now have an appointment with the Dr on 6th September, 2012. I can't wait !! 

L